Hey, at least they didn't make them eat someone else's vomit.

Romney: "Know who goes swimming while wearing contacts? Terrorists, that's who, smart guy."

Inside a GOP Effort to Rig the 2002 New Hampshire Elections

Didn't pass the smell test.

Onion City, cont'd

Sounds like Rosie O'Donnell. Hi-yo-oh!

". . . the massive, impregnable Gyptodon, a two-ton, 10-foot(3-meter)-long beast covered in armored plates and a spiky tail."

"We're going to work on smacking the s*** out of this issue,"

Bush is shocked, shocked!

Wos' all this then, eh? 'Sploding toilet, guvnah?! Society's to blame.

Taylor-Balls said he had been driving for 55 years without an accident.

AA-AA-AA-AH-HH!

Spider Attacks Shuttle

Yeah, nobody likes a destroyed virescence

Seven don'ts of Shanghai

Where's electric football?

25 most baffling toys

Maybe they learned brain surgery in England

Everything's on the other side over there.

Arkansas politics

Now they're smearing satanists.

His brother's name is Up Yours.

Actual name.

How's the war working out for you?

The question almost everyone wants to avoid.

Southern hospitality

Tolerance, Texas-style.

Our middle-eatern brethren

That's what you get, hussy!

Korean toilet sign

Unclear on the concept.

Trust us . . .

. . . we're the government.

Maybe she was teaching some advanced form of mathematics

Did she mention Taco Bell?

Just another night in the SLC

Kiss, Kiss and, furthermore, bang, bang.

Memory, All alone in the moonlight

"Memory is strange like that."

Yahoo: "We're Not Google."

"We ain't got no 'do no evil' mission statement."

Onion City by Sue Lense

Where do you buy the bags?

Fun to use!

" Now everyone wants your body."

Much ado about nothing.

Personally, I'd like to forget everything about myself

Reverend Shields, we knew thee too well.

The future.

You kids nowadays are great.

It's called fashion. You probably wouldn't get it.

The underpants turn into an egg mcmuffin.

Where does one start with this one? I ask you.

". . . I was like, no this ain't good."

Classy

Edited testimony.

More Onion City by Sue Lense

Yikes!

Your costume.

Oh, dear.

Bullitt Avenue news.

Oh, my.

A Unitarian. Say no more.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth

John Gray's nightmare.

North Carolina

One time I found a dead beetle in my Weber kettle grill. True story.

list

Christmas gift for Mother? Done!

On the menu

Mm-mm, papa like.

Remember to forget

The case for forgetting

Well, that's one way to do it.

Headline

like Disney's Tomorrowland

"unfortunately, ownership has shifted."

Science

Back to square one.

Interesting food

Enjoy!

Transcript from Crooks and Liars

How did we get here?

No, Hooty's not here. Can I take a message?

What happens when scientists can't get dates.

Total rip-off of Fat Albert

"and if you're not careful, you might learn something. ..."

Oh, Lord . . .

. . . stuck in Lodi again.

Presidential economics

Myths versus facts

New Feature: Onion City by Sue Lense

If you love your kids . . .

You can tell it's Mattel, owing to it's swellness.

Gaslight your friends!

This is cool.

Is Bush criminalizing the anti-war movement?

New Executive Order

New movie

You should probably watch this.

More on impeachment . . .

. . . from Jimmy Breslin.

The Crazy Adventure of Ms. Bile, Richard Burton, and Corporal Cramp

" . . . he said, they should probably check their toilet bowls before sitting down upon them."

And for whoever has $6,300

"This is a perfect robot for whoever does not have a lot time to stay with child."

Impeachment is back . . .

. . . and it's better than ever.

This seems timely.

Book craze.

Maybe not, but it does produce a few gems now and then.

Uranus has no diamonds after all.

You and your i-phone are insignificant wisps of nothing, got it?

"...the most incredible photograph ever taken."

Why didn't he just remove those videos with his mind?

Uri Geller, Jerkwad, Esq.

"...some things must be said..."

"...unethical and indeed unlawful."

Sounds like one of our family vacations, except there's no dog involved

"...six children, three adults, marijuana and a bomb..."

Send her to Gitmo!

The woman hasn't watered her lawn in more than a year

Beware of dog

Dog runs off with fireworks in mid ignition.

The Face of Age

Some great faces

She should have tossed it into the coffin

Flora Zimbelman says it all started 54 years ago when she put an uncooked hot dog in her sister’s suitcase.

My fiefdom for a horse!

Europe's last fiefdom

Maybe he should have called the library

Man Checks Web While Breaking Into Safe

Interactive Reptile Mind

Submit your ideas for children's book titles which literary agents may find a challenge to place with a publisher, such as:

Farty McWhistlebottom and the Bisexual Trotskyites Take Manhattan
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Pap Smear
Green Eggs and Meth

Ach, du lieber!

German Idol contestant does Nirvana.

The New Yorker visits the Creation Museum

". . . barrage of falsehoods written on slick signboards . . ."

Only one of them has never been able to see beyond the front porch.

Bush's public lands legacy is a sad sight to behold

Sometimes they listen to tangos.

Borges' Boswell

"Baby must dry several weeks . . . "

You can really taste the Jesus

Sandusky. Good times.

Reporter's Notebook

Was that wrong? Should we not have done that?

The "family jewels."

Run that by me again

Start from the end.

Incontinental Airlines

Passengers on a Continental Airlines flight had to hold their noses

Now he has his eye on some really sweet bear traps

" ...man suffered multiple snakebites while stealing venomous snakes ..."

How much would you pay for 30 seconds of sheer terror?

Wait! Don't answer.

September, you say?

"I was sick to my stomach."

Iraqi orphanage nightmare

". . . and found something horrific."

Good doggie! Good doggie!

A man who jumped into Lake Erie and drowned while trying to save his dog was wanted in Detroit on a first-degree murder

Ed Begley, Jr. just had a conniption

" . . . the world’s largest and grandest limousine."

That explains it

Oh! It wasn't within the purview. Well, that's OK then.

Dang.

Did you feel a drop? I think I felt a drop.

The Tiger roars

Tiger Woods' competitive streak called "desperate."

Suspect is said to be packing

The "diaper flasher" is at it again.

Crisis averted, threat conquered!

" . . . the whale's age, estimated between 115 and 130 years old."

Perfect. Yep, that's the word for it.

Musical stunt.

That's Mister Moron, to you!

After mentally sitting for two months

Stalinism + ineptitude =

Death in a Siberian Gulag

That's what you get for being impoverished.

Low-income families would be foolish to save.

You couldn't hit the side of a barn smoking Kent.

Be a better marksman.

I'm no genius or anything? But why not, like, cut through the tree instead of your leg? I'm just sayin'?

"...amputated a leg with pocket knives...."

And yet if I were to strangle them, I would be the one put on trial.

"a truly appalling show of scientific illiteracy"

Photos show skeleton sticking out of iceberg

This is totally an alien.

Which way to the vomitorium?

You say it's to the left?

JFK vs. GWB

Mistakes were made versus " ... the final responsibilities of any failure are mine, and mine alone."

iViva Gabo!

A visit by ailing Nobel-winning author gives Colombian birthplace a boost

A: 100%

Q: What percentage of this is creepy?

An anniversary

This was a sad day

Journey of mankind

Keep going! Almost there!

Think you're intelligent?

WRONG!

can you blame him?

more comfortable with machines than people.

From Russia, with Love. Well, not love, exactly . . .

North Koreans fleeing their country

Gwyneth Paltrow? Give to me big kiss!

Belarusian movie posters

They were so backward, bless 'em, they thought the Iraq war was connected to 9/11

Remote tribe discovered in the Amazon

Pulitzer prize winner corrects your misinterpretions, no charge

Fahrenheit 451 not about censorship

I suggest the security guard become an American Idol judge

Shot dead for singing out of tune.

The brain cancer. Any correlation?

HOLLOW PLANET THEORY

and its pet chimpanzee, Chim Chim

Go, Speed Racer and, if I may be so bold as to venture, furthermore, go.

What about Trump's hair?

Seven new wonders of the world

First thing she should do is move from Florida to Manitoba.

Something else to worry about.

What the? Where's the Ford Focus station wagon?

100 sexiest cars

The size of the hole

Bush's Amazing Achievement

Science: worthy of trust

Why do some people resist science?

Bicentennial weirdness

Trippy tribute to America's 200th birthday

Wos all this then, eh, guvnah?

Subterranea Britannica

Sacre bleu!

Un marionnettiste un peu particulier propose une version personnelle d'Adam et Eve aux habitants d'une planète...

Sleep tight.

Will a doomsday rock the size of the Rose Bowl hit Earth in 2036?

Gods: "Uh, yeah. Thanks for the wooden cauldron. Just what I needed. I'll just put it over here with the silent alarm clock and the fat-free lard"

Cauldron discovered in bog

Big deal. I've been living since 1963 with my heart on my sleeve.

Guinness World Records-Born With Heart Outside Body

Psych!

Stinky Journalism investigation debunks AP and FOX News "Giant Hog with Small Boy" Photo

Way to go, 'tards.

As TVs go on, library lights go off

Why don't they try to create a husband who can wash the dishes? Am I right, ladies?!

Life 2.0

Fortunately, my biases happen to completely coincide with reality

26 Reasons What You Think is Right is Wrong

Plus, he knew 13 ways to kill a guy with his bare hands

15 Reasons Mister Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever

Top speed: 342 mph

Mileage: 60-70 mpg
Cost: $2 million
here

Short Hair Results in Austin, TX Student's Suspension

Willie Nelson's probably behind this one.

They Forgot Book Readers

Alabama's list of possible terrorists:

• Environmentalists
  
• Anti-Genetics (those opposed to genetically-altered crops)
  
• Animal Rights
  
• Anti-Abortion
  
• Anti-Nuclear
  
• Anti-War
  
• Pro-Gay Rights

A Cautionary Tale

"Babe" Star's Out-of-Control Lifestyle Leads to Tragic End

As Routine as Brushing Your Teeth

Ever wonder what the surviving Heaven's Gate cult members up to now? Here's one of them.

That'll put a dent in the Islamic bicycling hooker business

Iran to manufacture "Islamic bicycles" for women

Race to be first to ‘hibernate’ human beings

Wake me when it's over

I think they mean "science"

Christian Academy Science Fair winners named

To commemorate the opening of the creationist museum in Kentucky

15 Answers to Creationist Nonsense

Wow! Guy Maddin Returns With Oversexed Orphan Scare

Review of the new Guy Maddin movie.

Not Very Closely Watched Trains

Look for the guy jumping out at the last second.